ViolentlyCurly’s Scratching the Surface
ViolentlyCurly’s
Scratching the Surface
Hello again, chastity enthusiasts. Much has changed since my last journal entry, so I’ll start off from where the previous one ended. The last time I wrote about my chastity experience, I was doing my best to modify my hybrid belt to fit my needs. This was over two years ago and much has occurred since then, both in my kinky exploration and my general health. As the latter affects the former, I’ll talk a little bit about my recent medical discoveries and how I’m factoring that into my kinky play. But first, about my chastity belt…
In my opinion, one of the most difficult things about getting into chastity is not really knowing which design will work best for your unique body shape. When I first got my feet wet with this kink, I went with Fancy Steel’s Hybrid belt because I thought it looked the most flexible and comfortable, and as someone with chronic joint pain, that is a very important factor for me. I had asked some advice from some prominent online chastity wearers and the hip style belt was what was recommended to me. Not until it arrived and I spent many months trying to make it work for me did I discover there were parts of my anatomy that would make wearing this style of belt difficult long term. My two main issues were the front guard and the hip straps, both of which were issues I could not have foreseen until I had gotten more familiar with the belt.
As a woman with a prominent clit, long labia as well as a piercing there, the small amount of room between the front plate and the perforated guard was insufficient for my anatomy. I found that my flesh there was pressed painfully up against the metal, so much so that my labia would squish through the gaps and get pinched under my weight. As for the straps, chastity needs to be tight in order to be comfortable, so there is no friction or pinching. In order to do this, I had to tighten my straps very much, which became a problem as my body is very soft and squishy in the hip and ass area. This was so distinct that the silhouette of my body was altered by the belt, quite literally changing the shape of my ass, which just so happens to be most peoples favorite physical feature of mine. It became very clear after months of trying to modify the hybrid belt that a hip style belt with the jock strap back just wasn’t for me. I learned in this moment that if you are going to seek out chastity advice, try to ask it of someone who has a similar body shape to yours. The person I asked is much leaner and less curvy than I am, so while her advice would have been great for someone with a more rectangular frame, it turned out to not apply well with my pear shaped body.
Despite that, I was resigned to enjoy the belt for the limited amount of time I could handle before discomfort obligated me to unlock. It definitely wasn’t what I wanted in my heart (and cunt) but limited chastity was better than none at all. That was when fortune shined on me again and Jay from Fancy Steel attended one of my Chaturbate streams. He apparently took a liking to what I do, because soon after, he sent me another offer to trade my writing for one of their new designs. He showed me some photos of the new P1 3D printed full steel chastity belt and asked if I wanted to give it a go. I’ve never said yes to anything more quickly.
We ended up deciding to do something a little more custom, to suit my body type best. Of course we went with the new 3D printed steel front guard, a magnificently designed domed cover that would prevent all the clit pressure I was enduring with my first belt. With my small waist and plump behind, we decided on the high waisted thong belt to snuggly hug me at the narrowest part of my torso. With the thong back, my butt cheeks would be much more free to jiggle and sway. Since many of my chastity fantasies involve resigning to use the few holes I have left, I asked for the rear opening piece as well. And of course, as an artist, I couldn’t resist taking advantage of the laser engraving service Fancy Steel offers on their website. Understandably, the laser work was not included in the trade, so I ended up raising the money with an anal training event on my stream. It was very blushy, opening up my ass for everyone to see, knowing all the money I made at that event would go towards making sure it was one of the few holes I would be able to access.
I worked on a beautiful peony floral design with a little decorative plaque for my mantra “good toys stay locked”. There was something special about the feeling of diligently working on beautifying a contraption that would lead to the containment of my pleasure. I found myself thinking about what it would look like shining on my waist, catching the light and my attention as I walk past a mirror… admiring the intricate detail as my fingers wander south with no purchase on pleasure.
While I waited for this new chastity belt to be made, I really began to get corrupted into steel bondage of other forms too. Up until this point, I was using leather bondage on my streams and during play. The burgundy leather cuff set I have is undoubtably well crafted and beautiful, but I did feel like there must be a more secure option out there. I found that with my hyper-mobile joints, I could compress my hands and squeeze out of them. Additionally, the leather was very warm and would often cause sweating beneath the cuffs. I found myself wishing for something more rigid and unyielding.
A little bit of shopping around online and I found an Etsy store that creates custom stainless steel cuffs to your specific measurements. I scrolled through their creations and found a gorgeous 5 piece set; it came with a collar and twin wrist and ankle cuffs. Unsure how to measure for such types of bondage, I asked the steel bondage community and was very grateful I did because the advice to give yourself extra room in the ankle cuffs to accommodate for the tension in your Achilles tendon was GOLDEN. My fan Xtro bought them from my Throne wishlist and after a few months they arrived, perfectly sized to capture my tiny flexible wrists.
When I opened the tightly packed and very heavy box, I found a lot of joy in pulling away the tissue paper encasing each shining steel ring. In a silly turn of events, the creator did not send the hex wrench that opens the cuffs, so I had no way of using them until an anonymous fan send me a hex key set. After finding the correctly fitting wrench, I put them on for the first time. They fit like a glove, with just enough room to allow for blood circulation and flexing, with no chance whatsoever of slipping out of them the way I did with the leather cuffs. Like my previous experience with the hybrid belt, the metal was quite cold out of the box but once secured in place, each cuff absorbed my body heat and practically radiated it.
After a few wears on my stream, I found the way the cuffs sat on my body caused irritation. The cuffs would slide and drop onto my wrist bones when I would put my arms down and the others would rattle around my ankle bones and cause bruising and soreness. I took inspiration from the Fancy Steel websites description that I reread often during my moments of horny fantasizing as I waited for the new belt to be created and ordered myself some rolls of adhesive neoprene. I made some templates and cut out the foam in the shape of the hinged halves of the cuffs; after cleaning them thoroughly of any oil or dirt, I peeled off the paper and stuck the sticky side to the inside of each one. It was a massive success. Hardly any tighter at all, the foam is excellent at making sure the cuffs stay in place on my limbs in the exact position I put them on at. I’ve found that I need to replace the foam every 6 to 12 months, particularly the wrists and the collar. The foam in the collar does get degraded from my moisturizer and the wrists get compressed and frayed from twisting and testing my bonds, but it’s well worth the effort to replace it.
Almost immediately, I knew I wanted to do something special on stream with this gorgeous new gift. After a couple of nights wearing them in my spare time and thinking the matter over, I thought of a fun idea I could add to my streams activity wheel. If there’s one thing I’ve learned from my show, it’s that viewers love to watch me struggle! Whether it’s a task, an outfit or even a thought, nothing delights them more than making it as hard as possible for me. So what if I set my tip activated vibrator down on the carpet, chain my wrists and ankles together with padlocks behind me and desperately thrash on the ground trying to get the vibes to touch the right place? All of my hypotips would remain activated too, so they’d be able to instantly still my struggling with a trance if they desired. I was very confident the viewers would like it, but I needed a good deal of prep first.
I had to go to the hardware store for supplies. I needed a thick welded o-ring, some sturdy waterproof chains and some sort of failsafe. I was very thrown when the guy assisting me asked what I needed the chains for while he was cutting off the length for me. I’ll admit, I was not smooth; I could not think of a single vanilla reason to be buying chains. I was too preoccupied thinking about how my show is live and how I don’t always have someone in the house to help me out if I got myself stuck. It was very important that I thought of a way to do self bondage with metal safely. As chains are not as easily cut as rope or leather, I went for two. The first, a keychain doodad I found at the hardware store that quick releases when pinched in the right way… and the second, a ring cutter, for more drastic situations. I ended up connecting four short chain lengths to the ring, one of them with the quick release device in the middle. I’m happy to say, I’ve never had to use the ring cutter, but there have been a couple times I was very grateful for the quick release… like the time I left the key to the locks on top on the desk and only found out after I exhausted myself wiggling around on the carpet. Afterwards, I was bombarded with requests to pull that clip so they could watch it again later.
All the while, as I experimented with more metal bondage, my belt was being made. We were all admiring the shine of the cuffs and I couldn’t help envisioning how pretty they would look with a matching glistening chastity belt in the middle to complete the ensemble. The day I got the photo from Jay showing off how incredible the laser engraved front plate turned out, etched with my mantra “Good toys stay locked”, any pretense fell away. My brain could think of little else. I saved the photo in my phone and probably looked at it a hundred times that day alone.
When the belt finally arrived, my hands were trembling something fierce. The box was subtle and neat, no way a curious or wandering eye could know what was inside. Fighting with the impulse to shred the box open like a kid on Christmas, I decided to save it and open it on stream. Honestly, I should have known my tippers would have a devious plan, but it blind-sighted me. Able to control the situation through my hypnotips, they spent two entire hours preventing me from opening the box by sending me plummeting into trance back to back. It didn’t matter how much I pouted or whimpered or whined; they had a delightful time holding off the moment I had be salivating for, dreamed about for months and months. I felt so helpless, getting my mind melted over and over again, when in all reality I only needed a thirty second pause to open the box that had consumed my idle thoughts for ages. I suppose torment looks good on me.
Eventually, finally, they let me open the box. My heart was racing and my cunt was soaked from frustration and the unfairness of the way they had edged this moment of unboxing. Trembling, I cut the tape and began to open it… and there it was. Wrapped in tissue paper and coiled neatly in it’s shipping box, the implications of this device washed over me. My pleasure in the hands of others, fate decide by the streams activity. My own body off limits, desperation and frustration abound. Nearly lightheaded, I unwrapped it.
The audience was very impressed, as was I. The steel looked so gorgeous, the etching bold yet delicate. The neoprene liner was soft and springy, the steel rigid and unyielding. I flinched ever so slightly as the cold metal touched my skin, but as with all my other stainless steel toys, the temperature was temporary. It took me a little while to figure out how to use the lock, as it’s a very precise fit into the front plate. It goes on in one way and one way only. My viewers watched as I figured it out, utilizing the notch in the shackle to slip the lock into it’s place. There was such tension in that moment; the first lock click was audible in the quiet mounting anticipation. The chat cheered, so happy to see me trapped in this device I hadn’t shut up about for ages. I told them I think the cables needed a little adjusting so my holes were properly framed by the various parts, said thank you and goodbye and ended my stream.
And so began the tinkering phase. I was and am to this day, very impressed with the adaptability of this chastity device. The multiple holes in the front of the waist belt are great for accommodating small fluctuations in weight, letting me loosen or tighten there as needed. The cable system in ingenious, so clever the way the front shield and the rear opening can be slid into the desired place and tightly secured.
Once I felt I had all the elements in the correct place, I began incorporating short practice lock ups on my stream. When we reached the chastity goal, I would set a stopwatch and do my best to wear it for an hour. Unfortunately, I did run into a problem. In another case of “you won’t know until you try”, I found that I have a very boney tailbone hidden between my ample cheeks. With the rear opening part of the belt centered around my anus, the metal of that ring is positioned directly on top of my tailbone. This caused some considerable pain and discomfort in the area and has put a cap on how long I can wear it. I tried a wide variety of modifications, including encasing the pressure point area with more neoprene foam in hopes to cushion the contact between it and my tailbone. I hoped at the time that this was something that would improve with regular practice, and perhaps with someone else that might be the case. However, I suffer from chronic joint pain and I was never able to adjust to the discomfort the belt put on my tailbone and butt checks.
I thought perhaps that it was the size of the opening. I had asked for the extra large one, looking to leave ample room for my larger anal toys and my husbands thick cock. After some back and forth messages with Jay explaining my struggles, he kindly sent along the smaller original rear opening to swap it with. I did my own modifications to it, filing away the angular edges of the locking feature for smooth comfortable entry. It took a whole day of diligent filing, but sadly it ended up being futile. My husbands cock was too wide at the base to fit through the ring properly and even though it was smaller and shorter than the first rear opening, it still pressed against my tail bone painfully. Additionally, the way the opening spreads my buttcheeks around my anus has caused unanticipated friction and soreness. My ass is so big, that the pressure of sitting while locked really irritated the skin there, getting much worse when I later shifted position. I am unsure if it is similar to the pain of nipple clamps, where repositioning allows blood flow and causes pain or if it’s just shifting friction in a very tight area, but I knew I had to do something about it if I want to continue to level up my chastity lock time.
Some of my modifications however were a great success! There was considerable pressure on the flesh around my mound where the domed shield was pulled close to my body, blocking wandering fingers. Using the rolls of neoprene I bought for my cuff set, I lined the inside edges of the shield dome with thick sheet of neoprene to relieve some of the pressure. It works beautifully and also fills in any minor crevices I could attempt to gain sensation through, however tiny they may be.
While I tinkered and modified, I was learning more about myself and my body. I had to take off a few weeks from my stream last November so that I could get exploratory surgery. At the same time, I was seeing a physical therapist trying to understand my joint pain better. Turns out, I have endometriosis and suspected hyper-mobile EDS, which explains my above average pain levels. I’m very happy to know these things about myself because it helps me better shape my kinky journey to make sure I’m taking care of my body while chasing my fantasies. I know now that my chastity locks will not be as frequent as I had originally fantasied about, because my body just needs more grace than the average person. Knowing why has given me more confidence to be firm with my boundaries and more in tune with what my body is telling me it needs. The knowledge and validation has been pretty life changing.
While I sought out balance of kink and wellness, I knew most of my current chastity issues revolved around the anal opening, so I went to horny reddit for some advice. I made a post explaining my struggles and pleading for some direction. The community stepped up wonderfully and provided me with lots of personal experiences and suggestions. Turns out, many people struggle with the rear open for long term wear. Many people told me that they have two belts, one with an anal opening for doing short term butt stuff and one without the anal opening for everything else. Apparently, that bruised cheek feeling is very common with plump bottom folks.
Very pleased to discover I was not alone and my struggles were not wholly related to my disabilities, I began to come up with a plan. As thus far my chastity experience has been either sponsored or funded by fans, I’m not in a financial position to buy a whole new belt. Nor do I want to, if I’m totally honest! The waistband is so gorgeously made and custom etched, I dreamed for months about seeing the design I made glitter on my waist each day. Luckily, Fancy Steels products are very versatile and adaptive! The way the cables fix to the belt means I could just get a second cable system to swap as needed!
Unwilling to ask more of Jay from Fancy Steel, who has been so very generous with me already, I’ve decided to crowdsource the funds for a newly etched front plate, cable system and dome shield. Once attained, I’ll be able to swap between both setups depending on what kind of anal access I need. This way, I’ll be able to experience the best of both worlds and keep that gorgeously decorated waist band on me as much as my body allows.
Several of my fans are very enthusiastic in pushing me along on my chastity journey (lookin’ at you Brenda), so much so that we are already 71% of the way to raising the money! I am so humbled and grateful that there are so many people in my life who want to see my dreams of being a locked, frustrated and subby mess come true! Thank you to Brenda, Vanaramma, Gandry, Tintros, and several anonymous fans for your contributions and of course, to Jay of Fancy Steel, for getting the chastity ball rolling in the first place! I really hope you are all enjoying my denial and chastity journey as much as I have been!
I’m really looking forward to more locks and restriction in my life. Hopefully, this new belt part will greatly increase my wear times. Where I’m at now, the balance of horny to discomfort is too skewed in one direction. As it is, my mind is too focused on needing to take off the belt because my body needs a break and not focused enough of the desire to take it off so that I can furiously masturbate. I deeply crave the feeling of desperately wanting to touch and edge, to release myself from the belt… but having absolutely no good reason to. As it is now, I have a very good reason to. So I move forward along my chastity path, continuing to seek out comfort and wellness, finding balance between my chronic pain and my kinky endeavors. Hopefully this new piece will tip the scale in the other direction. I can’t wait to write more as this journey unfolds! I hope you follow along with me.
-ViolentlyCurly